Over the next three weeks, we will share excerpts from a work by Christian poet Sarah Trent. Contemplative practice involves a release of expectations, but that release is not always without suffering. Trent's work brings us face-to-face with the sometimes-hard reality of letting go:
 
I trust You.
I think that’s why this hurts so much.
Because I truly believed You would choose differently for me.
Not because I doubted Your goodness.
But because I was so sure that goodness would look different than this.
 
I thought the road would bend before it broke me.
I thought the prayer would be answered before it became a memorial.
I thought the waiting would end before it became a wilderness.
I thought the healing would come before I learned how to live with the ache.
I thought You would choose differently.
That is the part nobody talks about.
 
Sometimes the deepest crisis of faith is not whether God is good.
It is trying to reconcile His goodness with the landscape of your life.
Because You are good.
And this still hurts.
You are faithful.
And I am still here.
You are kind.
And this still happened.
 
Somewhere in the middle of the tears and the prayers and the silence between heaven and earth, I find myself whispering words I never imagined I would say:
“Lord, I thought You would choose differently for me.”
 
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Submitted by Andy Dapron